I was a little discouraged during yesterday morning’s prayer time. If you know me you know the last couple of years have been the most challenging I can recall, as it has been for so many. It’s not just the soul crushing isolation…it’s knowing who I WAS before covid, and missing that girl terribly.

Yesterday He reminded me that the weekend before Michigan was shut down to “flatten the curve”, I attended a surprise party. It was at a bar, and while I’m no longer a drinker, I didn’t swear off the venue. I used the restroom at some point, and when I entered, I walked into a stall that was occupied….awkward! Here’s the thing. She was so beside herself, it’s like she didn’t even care. It was like opening that door was the actual entree to further discussion. She clearly wasn’t okay, and I asked her if she was alright. Guys, this gal was broken. She had makeup to cover her bruises, and a friend that had just suicided. She just KNEW she should have seen it coming and stopped her friend.

Me: no hesitation. “Honey, may I pray for you right now?” I laid my hands on that women, and I prayed my little heart out. At some point she said, “I don’t know what it is, I just feel like I can, and need to talk to you, like I can trust you, you know?” Many hugs and tears later, I returned to the party.

Fast forward over two years. Two years of watching the work God did in me fade at an alarming rate. My emotional isolation made manifest in my physical isolation. Begging God to bring me back to that season, and if not that one, place me where I could be used even better. Yesterday, I prayed that He make me “that girl” again, filled up so I could pour out.

Then a concert at Red Rocks. An immediate moving of The Spirit that had me out of my seat most of the performance. A thirsty husband, and me a “not so Gokey” fan, I volunteered to run for beverages. Choosing the shortest line for smoothies, a frazzled woman approaches.

Her: “If you only knew my last two days.” Me: “Do you need a hug?” Her: “I always need a hug!”

So I hugged. I squeezed, I made sure she knew I meant it.

Her: “Are you a mom?” Me: “I’m just a stepmom.” Her: “Well, that was amazing, it was better than a mom hug and it felt so full of love.” Me: “Good, because that’s exactly what was happening!”

Prayer time this morning: “Lord, please show me how to be the girl I was before, fill me up so I can pour out.” And Our Father. What an incredible guy. In Spirit He told me, “Remember that gal last night? Remember your worship and My Spirit literally blowing through your praise, the praise of my people? Filling you up so you could pour out?”

Tears. Gratitude. Love. Overwhelm. That’s what I’ve got today. It’s heavy. And it’s glorious.