If I’ve not said so, a consistent aspect of my prayer life centers on asking The Lord to fill me up so I can pour back out on others. It’s very difficult to draw from an empty well and then offer people something refreshing.

Without being specific about challenges I face on a daily basis…I have some challenges I face on a daily basis. Lately (if I’m honest, since April 2020), the prayer has been so much more desperate, and since I know God doesn’t stop talking, I very easily fall into a trap of thinking I’m seeking answers, when I’m actually striving and staring too closely at what I perceive as “problems”, thinking if I did something better, then, THEN I’d hear what He was trying to tell me. I then 1. forget that He already has a solution, and 2. I fail to see the “filling up” clearly. Do I or do I not trust Him? With my work? With my purpose? With my perceived need for encouragement, reciprocity…with my heart? If I “fail” again (haha if), I don’t know if I can take any more rejection.

Yesterday in my utter discouragement and “horrible” day (without anything “horrible” in it) and this morning, He’s increased my clarity. As I fretted over work, a peer stepped in and listened, validated. Another not knowing the day felt lousy randomly reminded me of a massive win no one celebrated…suggesting celebration. I fretted over a family event I wasn’t sure I should attend, and He gave my daughter-in-law JUST the right words, and the tenacity to use them. I questioned a way I’d advocated for myself, and my sister literally cheered. I wondered if I should keep typing…my daughter approached with kindness and excitement in our parallel purposes in this season…and my stepfather (truly, father) encouraged me out of the blue not once, not twice, but three times in one day, across various mediums.

He’s giving me fill-ups…but in sips. He’s not allowing me to become arrogant in what (really) is pretty consistent affirmation, nor lean too heavily on a person…because “persons” let you down. I know I struggle with, and do not truly need, human validation. BUT, He’s so good and He knows that it sure does make it easier to see when He uses the people around me to spur me on in my faith, and hopefully good works.

And, when He does not allow for human validation…He’s giving me the opportunity to practice seeking HIM for validation. I don’t feel like I’m making progress…but He then gently reminds me that I USED to beat myself up a LOT more for the progress I’m (not) making. Now, I’m frustrated with the process, but I’m beating myself up a LOT less than before. Now, I’m starting to be able to step back and say, “well, here we are again. How did we get here and how do we not get here as much next time?” Hear the difference? NO condemnation in Christ Jesus.

I’m a work in progress. You’re a work in progress. Be gentle with yourself today. When you’re not, step back, thank Him for allowing you to notice your reactions, for HIS gentleness in the reminder. Ask Him to show you how to step back, and maybe do a little better next time. Progress is progress. And you know what? He DID ask for perfection. But He didn’t ask for yours. He asked us to to our best in receiving His perfection in Christ. He’s doing the rest…and it’s going to be perfect. Already is, our human just needs to catch up to our eternal reality.

Best advice in the meantime? Be what you need to see. Be what you need to experience. See someone today. Hear someone today. Stop that gal you can tell isn’t Miss Popular, and tell her that her hair looks fabulous. Help the frustrated co-worker. Pray that the encouragement with which He allows you to bless others returns to you. Not because that’s how the universe works. But because He cares for you and knows you need these things. <3