I recently vacationed with my sister on a tropical island. It was beautiful, and we loved the time together, but she still knew I was struggling. Struggling to understand the confusion that seems to surround my life and purpose…I mean, I know I have one, believe we all do. But since Covid’s isolation, I struggle pretty consistently with believing there’s anything left to be done with me.

I’d expressed such to my sister on several occasions. My desire to be used by God, the vision I believe He’s given me for my personal testimony and ministry…even my seemingly God-given desire to serve women, to let them know that they matter. I want women to feel how I know I want to feel. Seen. Heard. Loved. Valued. Worth the “trouble”. Because we ARE. We are fully known, and truly loved. WORTHY. Even so, I’ve felt really stalled out and she knows it.

Fast forward: we’re having dinner at an oceanside restaurant. The entire time we’re there, at least two hours, the same woman strummed her guitar and sang songs I knew softly in the background. I really enjoyed it and noticed when it was over, missing the sound. I spotted a tip jar, snagged some cash, and even though I wasn’t feeling great about me, I really, really wanted her to feel great about her. She wasn’t ambient noise, to be ignored or even turned down. She was seen and appreciated.

I thought nothing of it…but my sweet sister, she knew how to encourage me. As we continued to wait on our server, my back to the musician and the rest of the patrons, she grabbed my attention, think: pssst!

One by one. One by one people, all women, began approaching the tiny stage. One by one, women encouraged another woman. Perhaps half dozen in a dwindling dinner crowd. They saw her talent, her effort…and I’ll bet all of those women would really like to feel seen and appreciated too. I thought, “How neat! That’s got to make her feel SO good”, and said so. Sissy didn’t say much. Just: you did that.

I beg God daily and at length for purpose and clarity, and yes, love. To FEEL it. To let me know I HAVE purpose. That He’s not finished with me yet. Isn’t it neat how even when we don’t think we can pour out anymore, we take one more step toward someone with the last ounce of energy we have….only to find our filling was in theirs? Take heart. He can use you even when you don’t expect it…even when you don’t think He wants to. He loves you. He does want to use you. And, if you ask him, He will.