Sufficient. It seems to hold a negative connotation and even so, some days I don’t feel even that. I don’t feel like I can sufficiently explain myself. I don’t think I can sufficiently do my job. I don’t think I can sufficiently be in healthy relationships. And my personal favorite: I’m not sufficient to do the things God has directed me to accomplish.

These are of course all lies. Your false narrative may be similar, or completely different from the things I struggle to disbelieve.

An example: I communicate well. (You may think through your own “insufficiencies” and follow to your (il)logical conclusion.) I’ve been in healthy relationships for years, and just because some relationships don’t end up the way I’d hoped and cause pain, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship. Health cannot bond with unhealth, or perhaps it just didn’t work out, it happens! Even so, I find myself wondering what I could have done better, which of my inadequacies were discovered? Is there a new one?? False narrative.

But the worst: not feeling sufficient to accomplish my purpose. Now that, THAT is a lie from the pit. Our Father equips the willing, and if you have a willing heart but still feel useless, ask yourself where that mental dialog is coming from. You may have a weakness in your life you think disqualifies you from the race, or has the potential to expose you as a hypocrite. Joke’s on you; we’re all hypocrites, the only difference is we claim forgiveness and grace an unbelieving world does not. Still, I know we don’t want to have our negative actions reap a negative consequence on the souls of those observing.

My point, though: DON’T LET THIS STOP YOU. The devil is constantly whispering we aren’t good enough, strong enough, qualified enough, ENOUGH. But you are. We are. As we learn from Paul, even Paul, writer of the majority of our New Testament, had a “thorn” he begged God to take from him. It’s purpose: to keep him humble. To continuously overcome the thorn, Paul was fully reliant in ministry on Christ’s grace. It seems counter-intuitive, but when we are weak, acknowledge the weakness, and bring it to Him, we are exercising our absolute strength in Him. It allows the space, the invitation, for Him to step in and exercise HIS strength and grace on our behalf.

If there’s something you feel like God is telling you to do: DO IT. If your thinking is, “except while I’m still thinking/behaving this way I can’t” or “once I start/stop doing this, THEN I’ll try; He doesn’t WANT me in this condition”, stop it. Trust in Him and his call for your obedience. Trust His love, that He wants to use you right there. And trust that if you’re seeking healing from this “thorn”, He’s only good. He’ll remove it in His time. Minister anyway. He may never remove it to keep you looking to Him. Minister anyway.

Our Father calls us to be present. Please consider: don’t miss your present, in Him, living in your past.