Yes. Typically easier than a “no”, usually feels good to say, and for years it’s been tripping me up. I’ve found that I’m not all together clear on what a healthy “yes” is anymore, nor when to give one…but I’m learning.

I’m learning I don’t have to give an immediate answer; I mean, where in my head did I learn to say yes out of habit, and that an immediate answer is required? And where did I learn that a people-pleasing “yes” was the appropriate answer in nearly any context? I mean, why? Something is being asked of ME, I have every right to be thoughtful with my reply, and offer up a “no” if it’s something I’m not comfortable with.

Yeses, if I’m honest, are easy (at first). A demanding and entitled society loves them, I feel good and think people like me better when I give them, and who KNOWS what they’ll think about me if I say no! *gasp* No, it’s the nos that are hard. For me, maybe I say yes and I think it affirms the other person’s idea or intent. I may think a yes affirms the other person period…but in so many instances, “affirming” the other person is not the loving thing to do, and very often the “yes” is given in lieu of my needs or perhaps even my self-respect. I need to remember that if something is to my detriment, there’s typically WISDOM in refrain…not selfishness.

You can be generous, thoughtful, and loving….and still say no. It does not make you selfish. It means you’ve done boundary work, and you’ve made sure you’re choosing the best “yes”.

So, knowing the power of the words, “yes” and “no”, how can we be sure we’re taking the right steps to ensure our yeses are the right ones?

We don’t. We can’t know before the yes how our response will play out. Even the best yeses can end up feeling like, “I should have said no”s. But we know He works together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes, right? That He’s trustworthy? That He loves us and created us with purpose? We can’t know the outcome. But we can know that He is good, and if it’s not good, it’s not done. We can take the steps that will allow us to be more selective…and in the end effective, with our yeses.

This is faith.

We may not be able to see the future to ensure we choose the right yeses. we can however, take steps to ensure we recognize the voices calling for our attention, and decide which to listen to. A few things I’ve found helpful:

Be present. So much of our fear is rooted in the future, discouraging us from hearing God as He directs our present. He knows your future. He’s been there and He’s not indifferent to your heart. He is FOR you, although sometimes what He directs won’t make sense. Refuse the anxiety and allow for excitement. Allow for your very best yes. We GET to say yes to Our Father!

Ask yourself: why am I giving this yes? Check your intent, and check the things you know to be true. Not “bad” intent, but misguided can cause a ready “yes” to become a begrudging, resentful, “I guess” down the road.

Finally, do the things Jesus taught us, that continue to draw us closer to God. Pray. Ask Him what He thinks, what He wants to accomplish through you. Ask that He equip you with the tools necessary now, for what you’ll need in the future…and don’t forget it’s okay to tell Him the desires of your heart. He’s ultimately going to choose what’s best, but He’s our Dad. He likes to give us good things, and He has the BEST things in store for us as we seek relationship with Him!

Read your Word, dig into a devotional, fellowship with other believers. Serve. Give. Trust.

Believe.

His grace is sufficient for you regardless of your yeses and nos. Today, consider leaving room for the very best future yeses, as you exercise present discernment in giving out difficult nos.

Leave room to say “yes” to God’s very best for your life. You won’t regret it. Ever.