Remember the time you first fell in love? The second? Recall, you couldn’t wait to be around that person, in this instance we’ll call that person him. Being in his presence and missing him even before he left, you’d count the minutes or days until you got to see him again. You treasured the time together, the conversations, and you couldn’t wait for the next one.

Maybe you’re blessed with a relationship decades old, and you still feel this way about each other.

But my guess is, especially as you recall the second, maybe third time you felt romantic sensation, you also felt the bittersweet pang of loss or lack in this relationship as it stands now.

I’ve had a couple of “true loves”, those that I couldn’t wait to see again, to connect, to hold. And perhaps unfortunately, I do not have a human today to fill this empty space.

Good news: in this season, I can remind myself that the feeling of fulfillment, excitement, and love originated with my One True Groom, Christ. It has and always, and will always, flow from Him.

I’m attempting to retrain my brain, and it’s working. My joy is increasing, in some instances to a burst of grateful tears. One of the aspects of this is replacing “I” and “me” with “we” and “us”. He is in me and I am in Him. He told us He and the Father were one, and we were one in the exact same way, NO separation. He is me, He is in me. No. Separation.

As I prayed through past, present, and future loves this morning, I realized something. First, that I can see now why it was so hard for my most-recent ex-spouse to view our relationship as “we”; the sense of self is SO strong. But second, and more importantly: I find myself constantly looking forward to talking to Yeshua, being in relationship with Him. While being separate from other humans felt suffocating and isolating for the last several years, I’m recently, as WE shift OUR mindset, WE are realizing WE are incredibly grateful for the solitude. I find myself saying, to us, “As soon as x is over” or “as soon as this person leaves”, “I GET to talk to You again soon!” WE get to reconnect and remind each other how great He, WE are. How much WE love each other. How much WE love the world’s inhabitants.

So today, I’m grateful. So grateful that My Father is showing me in new ways to be in relationship with Him. Grateful for the clarification of my identity in Him. Excited for what “unlocking” my true identity will mean for US, and the world.

Grateful. Excited. Pouring over. Thanks be to God, and His Son Jesus Christ. He, They, We, are SO good together.