I’ve made some pretty major life decisions over the last year, and I find myself being questioned on occasion about if I’m being too ambitious, or if I’m perhaps over-reacting to the life-situations that have come to a head. For years, I’ve thought I was irrational, hypersensitive and overreactive, causing me to question my feelings, thoughts, and judgement. I tried, but I didn’t like me much. I simply never measured up.

While I appreciate the caution being advised by many, the only person who can know what I’m feeling, what I’m hearing, how I’m being called, the direction I feel I’m being led…is me. I know the weight. The risk. I know the fatigue at best and exhaustion at worst. I’d imagine you have similar feelings pertaining to whatever it is you’re struggling with in this season. It feels like others don’t understand…and frankly neither do you…haha or me anyway. 😉

Change is scary. Making life decisions that you know will impact your future, but not how is scary and anxiety laden. We second guess ourselves at every turn, for fear of “screwing up”, losing control, and having no one to blame but ourselves.

I find myself, as I do my best to be authentic and transparent, potentially over sharing my thoughts and feelings. I feel my seasons changing on many fronts, and in my anxiety-slash-excitement, out of my mouth my heart speaks. But then, is that a bad thing?

Think about it. Words have power. As believers we bind and loose with our words and rarely realize it. Words have the power of literal life and death. Knowing this, does it increase or reduce stress when we allow ourselves to ponder or voice all the things we COULD do, what COULD happen, how we COULD be used? Depends on your mindset. If you focus on lack, what you’re potentially losing in making a decision, what’s at risk, it increases anxiety and stress. The opposite is also true. For me, if I make these decisions, and I focus on all the doors they may open, my stress is decreased. Who could I serve? How could I be used? When I ponder increasing my community and service, I am downright excited.

SO: I choose to view my emotions and words through the lens of making it real and holding myself accountable. I still care what people think. Voicing my ideas and plan makes it REAL, and holds me emotionally accountable to what I’ve verbally committed to others. Further, speaking of my faith and where I feel God is leading me serves as a mini preview of sharing my testimony in the future. Bonus!

I choose to burn the ships. I choose to break free from situations and relationships professional and personal that pull me away from my purpose. I don’t have a fully-baked backup plan, and that’s okay. Like Peter, I believe I hear my Lord calling, and I’m getting out of the boat. My Father knows what I need, and He will provide as I press on toward the prize He’s calling me to. I could swim. Or I could sink. Either way it contributes to my character and witness. Either way, as I do my very best to seek my Father’s heart and desires, to glorify Him and love His people, I am seen. He knows the plans He has for me. And He is only good. Sink or swim, He WILL provide.

Maybe this is what faith is.