Tomorrow I’m going to be sitting as an art model. I have zero idea what to expect, I’m nervous, but I’m mostly excited.

It’s also January in northern Michigan. I can sense a spiritual shift in me in this solitude…and my appetite has been stellar. Breakfast last three days even; high calorie all-day deliciousness I had to make myself stop eating. More on that.

So I’m sitting here thinking about this upcoming “modeling” session. In my minds eye, I’m holding this new food baby like a pregnant women, already seeing myself standing self-conciously in an art room in which I’ve not even set foot. After so many years of being so thin…admittedly what I see doesn’t look beautiful. To me, I look like a girl letting herself go. How I see my body can be a real battle for me; maybe you too?

BUT HEY: This isn’t going to be yet another thing I’ve chosen to shame myself with; that I USED to shame myself with. No more of that. I’m in this world and free of it.

I’m shifting my perspective. I am re-evaluating myself in my minds eye, and the view changes drastically. I look again: This is what a girl shedding years and decades of hyper-vigilance looks like. This is a girl breaking free from a prison she’s still not sure how to be completely clear of, but remains ever hopeful. Her spirit won’t allow otherwise. She senses the growth, healing, and RE-empowerment.

This part of me is now held with love and expectancy, evidence of my own rebirth. 

Look at me grow!

I am beautiful. Whatever I birth will be too.

I’m lovely. And you can’t even really see what makes me that way. But you can feel it, and I’ll spend my lifetime trying to show you what, Who, it is. <3

An aside praise:  I told my tummy two nights ago it was fine, and that it would remain that way.

I USED to experience nausea like clockwork, mostly AM, definitely throughout the day. But, the last few days I’ve been making concerted efforts in changing the way I speak to myself. My vessel. 

She’s lovely, isn’t she?

No nausea. For days. None. How you talk to yourself matters. Just sayin’.