I’ve admittedly wondered why God had allowed a raging, spirit-filled fire like mine to be quenched; even for a season. I thought I had been loving e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e well.

I don’t claim perfection, but like Job, I’ve begged God to show me what I had done wrong, what I hadn’t done right, why He’d given me so much vision for His purposes in the life I had, only to allow the life I lead now look completely different.

I never stopped praising Him.

I continued to claim His goodness over my life.

My prayers, my acknowledgment of His greatness only increased.

I never stopped seeking His light. And honestly, I don’t know that I ever felt abandoned by Him.

His Light, even and especially these last trial-filled years, was never in question.

So why? Why SO much darkness and SO much sifting?

He’s showing me now: He wanted me to see mine.

I’d been living in His light, pouring it into others, showing them theirs….yet I’ve been oblivious to my own.

I wasn’t wrong. But, He wanted me to realize how brilliant, radiant, and bright I was, too.

Me now? Holy cow I’m radiant.

So. Are. You. Claim it.

My testimony as it stands today: When I left my shared home, I prayed. I told God I was sorry for wasting the last several years of His ministry He’d called me to, due to my brokenness. In hindsight, I was apologizing for being me. For struggling. I thought I shouldn’t need help. I thought I had the power to mess up His plan. I thought I had, and I felt absolutely worthless.

At the time, He gently told me that if what He was trying to teach me over just a few years increased His harvest exponentially over decades, it wasn’t waste. He saw me. At the time, it was enough; I had more learning to do and He knew it.

Today, I recall the words He gave me though my mother, out of seemingly no where, amidst the struggle:

“Satan has asked to sift each of you like wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith will not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.”… – Luke 22:31-32

Sisters and Brothers….prepare to be strengthened. I am the light of the world and I know it now. His unfailing love and faithfulness has established new faithfulness in me. We all have seasons of sifting, and my purpose is to encourage you through yours….so you too are able to strengthen others when it’s time.

It’s time.