I mowed the lawn yesterday. I love mowing, the cadence of the engine, the monotony. Singing, thinking.

Typically I mow in circles. I jokingly say that if aliens come to earth they’re hitting my house first because of the bullseye I formed around it. Yesterday was dandelion day. While it’s been dry and the grass hasn’t grown, the weed-flower has gone to seed and my yard was a mess of stems. And, yesterday I didn’t feel like conforming to the mold I’d created for myself in my typically circular process.

So, I mowed. Figure 8s. Think bumblebee. No seeming rhyme or reason, no straight lines, forward and backward, front yard back yard, back and forth, determined to cut down every dandy stem I could identify.

And as per usual, I probably looked like a crazy person.

Then I correlated how we address daily tasks can be indicative of how we live, how we think, how we’re perceived…and how we perceive ourselves. It’s a safe example of what we reflect in areas less trivial than a lawn.

I am not a literal crazy person. And what people think of my mowing has no bearing on my character. But, it is what people see. Even when we think we’re hiding our innermost feelings and turmoil, the people around us can see, at least in part. They can’t read minds of course, but knowing you’re constantly projecting SOMETHING can feel pretty exposing and cause feelings of insecurity.

I generally mow in circles. It feels safe, known, it gets the job done with the least amount of physical effort…but if we feel stuck, doing things the same way as we’ve always done them gets us no where. I find myself stuck in a rut of circular thinking and living…literally going around in circles.

Yesterday I mowed as though “Flight of the Bumblebee” were the musical selection in my AirPods. Zero rationale for my direction, aimless, but with the singular purpose of knocking down any stem I saw. It was chaotic. It was me…as I perceive myself currently.

And that’s okay. Know this though: 1. what others perceive about you matters very little in most circumstances, and 2. never fool yourself into thinking people can’t see your struggles, at least in part. Now, they may not be paying close enough attention to notice in their busyness, but your disposition does have an impact on others.

Does this mean you SHOULD care what people think? I’d say it’s less about caring about their conclusions, and more about knowing that every word, every action you take, impacts others. Every interaction is an opportunity to bless another person, and if we’re hurting and unable to produce this love for our neighbors to which we’re called, people notice. And, even if we think we aren’t taking our hurts out on others…just as I can’t hide my fragmented heart in my mowing, we can’t bury our hurt and expect it not to manifest in other interactions and our perception of them.

Mad at that guy? Unfortunately, this gal you’re currently interacting with is going to feel it, even if it has nothing to do with her.

We do not live in a vacuum. No man is an island. Our perceptions of ourselves and our situations manifest in the way we function and especially in the way we treat others.

Notice your habits and routine today. Ask God to show you where hurts you think you’re managing well may unknowingly be causing hurt in another…and ultimately for healing, because it’s hurting you too.